Useless Links

Useless Entertainment
Useless Information
Useless Pastimes
Useless Products
What The . . .? 

Useless Entertainment

All Your Base Are Belong To Us Somebody set up us the bomb! "It will keep me busy for hours at work while I am trying to look busy!" --Hawk

Useless Information

An tInneal Mallachtaí: The Curse Engine Have you always wanted to say, "May malevolent hedgehogs satirize your ill-gotten wealth?" in Irish Gaelic?  Now your dreams can come true.

The AFDB (Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie) Page Vital information on how to use a common kitchen item to protect your brain from alien thought waves. It worked for us!

Disturbing Auctions Selections from e-Bay's darkest moments of shame: the pedal-powered Weiner-Mobile, the diseased puppets, the intoxicated-yet-flirtatious clown lamp . . . the horror is nearly endless. Have you been abducted by aliens?  Would you like to be? Find out your Personal Alien Abduction Factor.

The Last Page on the Web Quick!  Skip to the end to see if everybody lives happily ever after!

Hi-Tech Practical Joke Ideas Trying these at home will probably get you arrested, blown up, or both.  Not that this ever stopped us before . . .

Useless Pastimes

Make Travolta Dance! Did you ever have a fantasy about having your very own cartoon John Travolta that would do any disco move you wanted?  Neither did we, but apparently somebody did.

The Reflex is:
A) A lonely child that's waiting in the park
B) A stupid game you will probably spend too much time playing
Answer: B

Am I Goth Or Not? You know how you like to sit in darkened clubs playing "Poser, Poser, Goth" as all the people walk by?  Aren't you glad they can't hear what you're saying?  Well, this site is full of people who actually want to know what your opinion of their Goth-ness is.  Put a big "1" in the Poser category.

Write Your Own Conspiracy  From the site: "[Create] your own personalized tale of paranoia, deception and corruption. For entertainment purposes only."

Cliff Yablonski Hates You! Play "Schmuck Hunt."  Cliff will hate you for it.

Connect with your Inner Gangster and discover your Mob name. 

Phonetic automatically figures out which words can be made from your phone number.  


Useless Products Professional-looking office plaques and products that remind us all what's really important:  not our stupid jobs. 

L.A. County Coroner Gift Shop Okay, they say the proceeds from sales go to groups that work to prevent drunk driving, so it's not completely useless.  But realistically, what are you going to do with a personalized toe tag?  (No, don't tell me.  No, really, I don't want to know . . .) This site sells objects that were left behind on airplanes.  The "What is it?!" page is just special.

What The . . .?

Ouchy the Clown, provider of  "adult clown services" and "meeting facilitation." Can't sleep, clowns will beat me.  Can't sleep, clowns will beat me.  Can't sleep, clowns will beat me. . .

The Weather in Hell